I will gladly pay you Tuesday...

Student loan collections are based on monthly goals, so the important thing about getting someone set up into a program is that the first payment has to be the current month. Managers are reluctant to "sandbag" programs over a month line, as they tend to get blowback from upper management over that if there are too many.

The manner in which we can accept payments helps out with that issue. We try to put payments on file through a checking account with post-dated checks on file. So if I get you on the phone on the 5th, but can't make the payment until the 21st, not a problem - let me put your checking account info on file, and we'll fire off a request for payment on the 21st. Savings account - same thing.

The problem gets into people who use only pre-paid debit cards and money orders (or just don't want their account information on file). If you can't pay until the 21st, I can't store your card info on file - the system isn't set up to do that. So you need to call in on the 21st to make your payment via credit card. Until then, you become...an Out To Borrow account.

Collectors hate these accounts. Really. And here's why - unless there is a threat of garnishment, more often than not, they don't pay. Ever.

Why? Simple - the impulse to pay is very strong when initially catching someone on the phone, especially if they are caught at work. It's a bright white emergency that needs to be dealt with immediately, and if they have checks to put on file and can take care of it right there and then - it's done. Over. Emergency gone away, everything settled, and the collector gets paid.

But if it's an Out To Borrow...we still go away, in the immediate sense. Suddenly we're not so important. And the 21st is a long way off. So when I call to follow up on the 14th...no big deal. When I call on the 22nd because you didn't call me on the 21st to set up payments...still not a big deal. I mean, the sky didn't fall or anything, right? Nothing got re-possessed, right? Who cares, really? Screw him - damn pushy bill collector anyway.

I have three Out To Borrow accounts I'm wasting my time chasing down right now - they are not returning any of my phone calls, the references have told me not to call them again, and nothing further is happening. One of the three could be set up for garnishment, but due to the timing of when we got the account, the garnishment could not go through for at least a month (by which point I'll be out of a job, so I don't care).

I also have two previous Out To Borrow accounts currently marked as Refuse To Pay, since they crossed that month line while still without paying. One of those two can be garnished in three months, but chances are that information will get lost in the shuffle, and nothing will happen.

There are no plans in the works to be able to put credit or debit card payments on the system for post-dating. There is something in the way that they work that it doesn't function well, and it a question well above my pay grade to ask.

All I know is I have to call them all again today. And none of them will pick up the phone. And when I'm not calling them next month, they will become Refuse To Pay accounts, which are generally avoided by collectors. And it all goes away and isn't a problem.

Until they have their tax return seized in 2011. Then it's a problem. And they'll call in, indignant and pissed off, insisting that they intended to take care of this months ago...it's not their fault...if only that incompetent bastard of a collector had properly followed up with them, they would have paid. Really.