All over but the shouting

So I set up nothing in my final day as a collector. I did follow up with a couple of hardship programs, sent off frantic emails to fellow collectors to follow up on stuff that I'd found, and spent much of the day essentially doing "lead generation" for other collectors. If I can't turn a profit, I may as well help others to do so.

I can honestly say I've learned a lot doing this. I've found some of my own limits, and I was put in the position of having to make some difficult choices that needed to be made. From here on out, I have some clearer direction.

I'd put some more reflection into it, but I'm at the house, which is no longer a strong place for reflection. I'll have more to say on Monday when I'm actually terminated, and will have some further posts to clarify some other points I never got the chance to cover.

But for now, a glass of rum and bedtime. The course has been run, the time run out, and now its just awaiting the inevitable.

Final day

Barring divine intervention, this will be my final day as a bill collector. I am currently at less than 40% of NPV, and I'm only working for 5 and a half hours today to end the month. Somehow I don't see it happening. And as I've been told over and over again, if you don't see it happening, it won't. (Yes, the Cult of Positivity runs rampant in collections - possibly a future post as well.)

I did have a good meeting with the division manager yesterday, who said he recognized I work hard and was very intelligent, but for some reason just couldn't put it together. I was offered (off the record) the opportunity to stay on at reduced pay, but told him I just couldn't see it working if it wasn't working now. And he told me that if I don't see it, then clearly it isn't going to happen. So that will be that.

I do hope to accomplish a few things today, as the team is very close to hitting goal, and I know that means a lot for our manager. I'd like to see that happen for the morale of everyone involved. It's been a rough road, and it would be good to be on top of things again.

Alright - off to get Sam from pre-school. Notes from final day later on this evening.

Graduation - going out in style. Sort of.

Due to circumstances that would take too long to explain, I took four and a half years to graduate from Middlebury. So instead of graduating in May of '95, I actually graduated in February of '96, and therefore got to do the "Feb" graduation ceremony.

To explain for those not familiar - Middlebury has its own mountain and ski area, called the Snow Bowl. February graduation is a very informal sort of affair, culminating in a ski down the mountain to receive your diploma.

Small problem. I don't ski. Never learned, despite growing up in Maine and then attending a college in the middle of Vermont with its own damn mountain. I usually spent the winter in intense coursework, and was usually broke anyway.

For those of us in that position, we were offered a free skiing lesson/day pass during January to learn how to make it down the mountain without bodily injury. I learned how to point my skis in the proper direction and slow down enough to make it down the bunny slope and accept my diploma. I even started to get the hang of it enough to try to show off a bit to a cute freshman who I'd seen getting her first lesson too.

(It didn't work. Suffice it to say, my showing off ended with me in a snowbank being laughed at by said freshman. I called it a day shortly thereafter.)

Graduation day arrived, we sat through the short ceremony at Mead Chapel, and then everyone trundled over to the Middlebury Snow Bowl to ski down. I sat down on the lift next to Scott DeVries, another first-time skier who happened to be from Iowa. I hadn't seen him for a while, so we chatted on the lift up, not paying a great deal of attention to the fact it was a different lift than the one we'd used for our lesson.

There was a great deal of commotion, with someone shouting out from the ground, "Hey - I just taught him to ski last week! Someone make sure they get down! They missed the midpoint!"

Apparently we were supposed to get off the chairlift at the midpoint of the mountain. We failed, and were now on our way up to the very top of the Black Diamond trail at the top of the Snow Bowl.

Fear began to sink it. The terrain changed - rocky crags and howling winds snapped at our robes. The temperature dropped. This was terra incognita - we were off the map and on our own.

(Yes, Midd people, I'm aware the Snow Bowl's Black Diamond trail is considered mild even by East Coast standards. Remember - one ski lesson. Ever.)

Two people were with us at the top of the mountain, and one immediately skied down to let the graduation folk know what had happened. The other one looked us over, and she shook her head. "One lesson each, huh?"

We nodded.

"Where are you from?"

I was from Maine, Scott was from Iowa. She looked at me. "Well, you at least know what a mountain is - you think you can get down okay if you take it slow?"

"Sure."

So she set off with Scott, guiding him down the trail while skiing...backwards. I am still in awe thinking about it.

Which left me at the top of the mountain - alone. Howling wind, rocky terrain. But I had to get down, and so I started to point my skis the way I'd been taught to begin going down the mountain.

Which didn't work - even a V-stop wasn't enough to stop the breakneck speeds. Which, as I realized tumbling next to a rock, was exactly what was going to happen if I kept this up.

I sat up, trying to figure out what to do next...and started to slide, very slowly, down part of the trail. The polyester graduation robe slid well, and with the skis I could steer.

Fine, says I. This is how we go down the mountain.

The was one person at the mid-point when I finally got there, and he was bent over laughing as he saw me sliding down the trail on my butt. "We couldn't wait, but they're all still waiting for ya down there."

He laughed, and helped me up. "From here you can probably stand and really ski. You should try that run again after a few more lessons."

I shook my head. "Nah, I think this is it."

I did make it down the lower half upright on my skis, arriving way behind everyone else, but with the full applause of the Feb class of 95.5 for having made it down the mountain.

Style and grace, I'm not sure. But I think it means I need to go to my 15th reunion this year.

My day

Today I found the following things:

* A borrower was arrested last week for felony DUI while riding his ATV. He'd tried to veer off the road to evade the police, but was still arrested. He was riding the ATV drunk because he'd permanently lost his drivers license after his third DUI.

* Another borrower was arrested last year on 65 counts of felony theft of over $1500 each. I'm guessing this would be the "small amount of embezzlement" that another collector found out about while doing a verification of employment yesterday.

* One of my Out To Borrows told me flat out that she couldn't start payments until May, and wasn't going to answer my calls until then so don't bother.

* And finally, I got blown off by a $20K account I tracked down at work with a simple, "Dude, this is my work - don't call me here." Click.

(Given that we've been listening to his voice mail tell us in the office for the last six months that "This is BAAHHHHBBBB!!!!!! I'm a DOOUUUCHEEEE!!!!" I probably should've expected that.)

My manager told me today to not give up hope. I told him I haven't. Though the hope I'm not giving up is the hope that my sanity survives the next two days, and then I will spend the weekend blissfully awaiting the fall of the hammer on Monday. Sweet oblivion, indeed.

And what are YOU doing with your life, Mr. Collector?

We don't always deal with the rough and tumble end of society in collections, though it often seems like we do. But in amongst the unemployed, criminals, deadbeats, meth addicts, and those who have slipped through the cracks, there are some really amazing people.

There are all the stories about the minor celebrities people have found - reality TV stars, minor B-movie actresses, and sports figures, among others. But I'm more interested in the stories of people who are truly doing odd and creative things I've found.

Today I "found" someone I couldn't find because he is a busker in Barcelona. I came across one person doing an independent photography project of the southwestern desert (mind-bendingly amazing shots), and other doing portrait photography. I've found people doing great sculpture projects, touring Europe with jazz revues, and making documentaries and independent films.

Not that I've ever talked to any of these people (except the jazz musician, and that was on his way through the airport a few months ago). But by skipping them down, I get to see their work and what they are doing.

It does give some point for reflection of "so what are YOU doing, Mr. Collector?" as I sit and dial the phone trying yet again to reach the guy doing the southwest photos. There are very few philosophers in collections, and for most people its just a way to pay the bills and get by without really thinking much about it.

I came across one borrower who is an up and coming alt-country musician based now out of Texas. I read his bio, detailing his personal plummet leading to jail time due to booze and drugs until he decided to turn it all around a few years ago and put his life together. He started taking his songwriting seriously, and he's getting some notice.

I remembered the name, and looked him up when I got home. I'm playing one of his songs on his MySpace band page right now, and it's some pretty cool stuff - a good mellow storyteller vibe, detailing where he's been and what he's been through. (If I could link to it without violating FDCPA, I would. But I can't. Sorry.)

Me? I'm just sitting here with a drink in my hand, listening to some good music and writing a blog post. Hopefully someday soon I'll be doing more, knowing that this isn't the end, just a brief stop.

I will gladly pay you Tuesday...

Student loan collections are based on monthly goals, so the important thing about getting someone set up into a program is that the first payment has to be the current month. Managers are reluctant to "sandbag" programs over a month line, as they tend to get blowback from upper management over that if there are too many.

The manner in which we can accept payments helps out with that issue. We try to put payments on file through a checking account with post-dated checks on file. So if I get you on the phone on the 5th, but can't make the payment until the 21st, not a problem - let me put your checking account info on file, and we'll fire off a request for payment on the 21st. Savings account - same thing.

The problem gets into people who use only pre-paid debit cards and money orders (or just don't want their account information on file). If you can't pay until the 21st, I can't store your card info on file - the system isn't set up to do that. So you need to call in on the 21st to make your payment via credit card. Until then, you become...an Out To Borrow account.

Collectors hate these accounts. Really. And here's why - unless there is a threat of garnishment, more often than not, they don't pay. Ever.

Why? Simple - the impulse to pay is very strong when initially catching someone on the phone, especially if they are caught at work. It's a bright white emergency that needs to be dealt with immediately, and if they have checks to put on file and can take care of it right there and then - it's done. Over. Emergency gone away, everything settled, and the collector gets paid.

But if it's an Out To Borrow...we still go away, in the immediate sense. Suddenly we're not so important. And the 21st is a long way off. So when I call to follow up on the 14th...no big deal. When I call on the 22nd because you didn't call me on the 21st to set up payments...still not a big deal. I mean, the sky didn't fall or anything, right? Nothing got re-possessed, right? Who cares, really? Screw him - damn pushy bill collector anyway.

I have three Out To Borrow accounts I'm wasting my time chasing down right now - they are not returning any of my phone calls, the references have told me not to call them again, and nothing further is happening. One of the three could be set up for garnishment, but due to the timing of when we got the account, the garnishment could not go through for at least a month (by which point I'll be out of a job, so I don't care).

I also have two previous Out To Borrow accounts currently marked as Refuse To Pay, since they crossed that month line while still without paying. One of those two can be garnished in three months, but chances are that information will get lost in the shuffle, and nothing will happen.

There are no plans in the works to be able to put credit or debit card payments on the system for post-dating. There is something in the way that they work that it doesn't function well, and it a question well above my pay grade to ask.

All I know is I have to call them all again today. And none of them will pick up the phone. And when I'm not calling them next month, they will become Refuse To Pay accounts, which are generally avoided by collectors. And it all goes away and isn't a problem.

Until they have their tax return seized in 2011. Then it's a problem. And they'll call in, indignant and pissed off, insisting that they intended to take care of this months ago...it's not their fault...if only that incompetent bastard of a collector had properly followed up with them, they would have paid. Really.

Final Saturday morning

In the interest of schedule adjustment to accomodate my wife's travel plans for a national conference, I worked a Saturday for the first time in ages. And given that it's the end of month madness, and that working Sundays tends to be the domain mostly of the west-coaster minority in the office, it was good to get a reminder of what Saturdays look like.

As I'd said before, dress code is a little on the lax side, since no one really cares what you look like on the phone, but Saturdays are a whole new level. Pajama pants, sweatshirts, t-shirts - everyone doing their absolute best to look like they all just rolled out of bed from a late-night at the bar.

Saturdays also have a more manic edge to them then Sundays. Saturday is never supposed to be a day of rest - it's a day of activity, of people working, of things happening. So there's none of the guilt of Sundays, and all of the excitement of possibly catching someone that isn't expecting it.

People are loud, people are a little crazy from the short day - it's a manic burst of energy for the morning, leaving the afternoon for everyone to play.

And at noon, it's the west coasters again. The few, even on the last weekend of the month.

Stop - hammer time!

So today was the big meeting. Everyone stop calling and listen up to the big speaker in the sky and how the world is going to change.

Aside from the massive invocations of God and the times of trials our company has gone through, the upshot is what was expected. Two loan origination centers in the south are closing, and the company needs to streamline. And they plan on expanding the collections side of the business, with a veiled grumble about expanding in areas that have "continuously supported" the company.

Whether that means local support (there has been tons), or Congressional Support (everyone in our delegation voted for the Health Care Bill with cut us out of the student loan business), I don't know. But financially, our region has been a top collection area, so they would be crazy not to continue to expand out here.

Fuller description later - right now I just need sleep.

Finding anything interesting?

So I was looking at Statcounter this morning (as I do when I've made a few postings - even trying to fly under the local radar I'm an attention hound), and taking a look at where my blog viewers are coming from in the world. Mostly it's a curiosity factor - since I've selected the blog to not be indexed or listed on Google, most hits are coming from friends via Facebook (with a few outside viewers from Blogger's "recently updated" listing).

For yesterday's postings, I saw numerous viewings from a corporate entity in McLean, VA - an international law firm I won't name, but that struck me as odd that they were viewing all of them. They've looked at the before, and I thought it might be someone I knew who'd been a 3rd year at UB last year and was now employed by said firm.

However, I looked at the browser type they were using, and it was listed as "Ripper 0".

I'm not the most technologically advanced guy out there (my cutting edge knowledge peaked about four years ago), but I'd never heard of it. So I searched on Google, and found that it is exactly what it claims to be in the name - it "rips" text, graphics, html code...pretty much everything...and copies it onto the local computer.

Hmmmmm...now why would they be doing that? Aside from the two Stereophonics YouTube videos, there's no graphics. And there's no pictures. Only...text. And who might find that interesting enough to have an attorney look at it?

Right...quick search...and the parent company of my employer is based not far from McLean, VA. Coincidence?

I find this more interesting than worrying, for the following reasons:

1 - I have never directly named my employer.

2 - I have never (and will never) say anything derogatory about my employer.

3 - I have been intentionally vague when talking about borrower conversations to make sure I will not run afoul of disclosure laws.

4 - I have been vague enough about the nature of what can be offered for programs in order to protect the financial interests of my employer.

5 - *waves* Y'all are reading this and keeping track, right? Stay cool

I've always told people as a computer person in schools to never post anything/send an email you wouldn't want posted on your office door. I've tried to apply this to the blog as well, and have only not listed general Google searching to avoid someone local at the office finding it and having that awkward discussion.

So, we'll see. And to the legal employees out in that beautiful high-rise in Virginia: let me know if you find anything interesting. Glad you're enjoying it enough to keep coming back.

The hammer may come down for all of us...

Tomorrow at 4pm there is going to be a phone call going out to all offices from the big Kahuna of the big office to discuss the future of the company with the passage of the student loan portion of the Health Care legislation.

As I'd said before, the elimination of third-party lenders puts a serious dent in the main revenue of the parent company I work for, since that really IS their business. I just found an article saying they were planning on cutting 2500 out of their 8000 jobs to compensate for the changes.

How that affects us, I don't know. We'll find out tomorrow at 4pm, and I'll have a full report. Most of it will have to do with the ability to hang on to defaulted loans, and the new business direction of the company. But it should be interesting.

Funny enough, no one seems to be talking about it. I'm not sure if it's denial or fatalism. We'll see after the hammer comes down tomorrow.

Well, guessed that one wrong...

One of the greatest frustrations with collections is when you are so close to someone you almost know their movements, but can't quite reach them.

I was chasing after one such person a few months ago. I'd found her place of employment - a hospital. They refused to do a verification of employment without a signed request, but I got transferred to her department (which they never named) quite happily when I asked, but she was never available.

I called her home number several times, generally getting her significant other (who never named himself as her husband), and got excuses of being at work, being out grocery shopping...never home. "She's not at home all that often, I'm sad to say."

One day I called her home phone first, and got the significant other. "No, she's off at work right now. Can I take a message?"

Left a message, then immediately called work. "No, she's not in right now. Can I take a message?"

"Will she be back later?"

"No, she won't be in today."

I left a message, and asked my senior collector what he thought of the situation.

"Hmmm...any way you can find the boyfriend's number?"

We got a good laugh out of that one, as that was EXACTLY what I was thinking. Then it transferred out of my desk and I didn't think about her very much anymore.

Until today, when we were listening to recorded phone calls, and I heard a call-in to one of my colleagues..and it was HER. She got the sternly-worded letter we'd sent out (threatening general garnishment), and was calling in.

"I can't handle a garnishment right now...my income's being depleted with all the cancer treatments right now..."

Of course. It makes sense now. She was at work, just like her significant other said. Just not...working at work.

Collections makes you believe the worst of people, and surprises you when the opposite holds true. I need to be done with this while I still have some faith in humanity.

Signs of comfort

One of the things I've always associated with life being in proper kilter is a well-stocked liquor cabinet. Neither of my parents were drinkers - this was something I picked up in college from David Schneider, who was of the firm belief that life was too short for cheap booze. Stolichnaya, Glenfiddich, and a whole range of other top-shelf alcohol.

I tried to maintain one when I moved into a single room, though my wallet was too short for really top-shelf. Russkaya vodka (sadly gone - it was very good) or the black label Smirnoff (also sadly gone), McClelland's Highland (good, but their Lowland tastes like fermented pond water - 'faintly peaty' my ass), and an array of others and red wines.

The post-college years went for consistent variety, though friends and I plumbed the depths of how low one could go with wine and liquor quality yet still remain drinkable. We found there is no taste quite like bargain Scotch (and no hangover like it either), vodka at any price can be mixed and enjoyed, and beware Eastern European wines for less than $4/bottle (there's a reason they used it for bus fuel later on in Sweden).

I dated (then married) a wonderful woman with the same taste for Scotch and wine, and we enjoyed exploring a range of wines. (Our first anniversary was a trip to a wonderful spa/winery in Canada I'll always have fond memories of.) Scotch we normally kept to the old favorite of Dalmore, but still maintained a fairly good range of liquor for friends who stopped by and had their own particular favorites.

Sadly, the cabinet was trashed beyond recognition by a visiting friend in the depths of his alcoholism. Our finances were at a point I couldn't properly rebuild, though I always intended to. With kids, it just didn't seem to be of importance. And yet, I wonder if it wasn't a sign.

Yesterday was a rough day of realizations I didn't want to hear (on top of having the office virus), and I found myself at the liquor store. My birthday was last week, and I'd done absolutely nothing for it. Fine, I said to myself. Happy fucking birthday to me. New place, new space, new start - I am rebuilding the cabinet. Not top shelf, but going for the range.

So, 150 bucks later, I now have the following:

5L box of Franzia red (drinkable - rebuilding of wine will have to wait)
750 McClelland's Highland
1.75 UV Vodka
1L Castillo Gold Rum
1L Korbel Brandy
1L Canadian Leaf whiskey
750 Absinthe Ordinaire
350 Crystal Palace Gin
350 Extra-Dry Vermouth

This was added to a nearly empty bottle of Dewars and a Crystal Head Vodka bottle half-full now of Svedka. (Side note - Crystal Head, beyond the gimmick, is DAMN TASTY. And the bottle is a cool gimmick - very reusable.)

The absinthe was the true impulse purchase of the lot, as I'd never had it before. I prepared it in a variation of the traditional method (water poured over a tsp of sugar into the glass - no slotted spoons or sugar cubes on hand). It was...very nice. And very needed. I'm looking forward to a second tasting with a slightly more relaxed brain to get the full effect, but I'm glad to have bought it.

I had a glass of Franzia with pizza this evening, and am now pouring the remaining Dewars over ice. The glass is a rocks glass stolen from a casino in Reno after I'd lost a hundred bucks on a really stupid bet over a decade ago. I'm going to work on a few blog posts about work, and then fall asleep listening to the creek out my window.

Life might just be settling out. I just have to let it.

Halfway point for April and it's not looking good

I had my mid-month review, which is standard for anyone still on final notice.

To say the least, it isn't looking like I'm going to pull out the same miracle I did last month - I had enough odd stuff come through that I don't see being duplicated this month. So the hammer most likely comes down for the first day in May.

Though my manager did put forth a pretty solid criticism of my collections ability in my lack of follow-through. I find amazing skips. I talk to people. And then...don't call them for a few days. This drives him insane, and he pointed out to me on Friday that someone converted an account I'd skipped down the borrower's HP and spoken to her last week.

I don't have a really good excuse for this, though I wish I did. I've never been able to muster the true enthusiasm one needs for this field, though the end of March was a brief glimpse of what was possible if I could. There's still a chance of pulling this around in the next two weeks if I really focus.

Honestly, my focus at this point is on my resume. I think I've gone as far as I can with this and still salvage my soul at the end of the day. But we'll see where it all ends up.

"Recreational services"? Really?

I tried to skip down a borrower using Google, and ran her name and most likely city of residence. I found a hit to a community website hosting lists of "Community and Non-Profit Services" for that particular city, with her name listed under the designation of "Recreational Services".

The listing was fairly vague, with an address that was a cross-street/neighborhood designation rather than a specific address, but there was a phone number listed.

I called. Busy signal.

So I looked at the listing a little more carefully. Her job position was listed as "Encargada". My grasp of Spanish is limited to numbers learned on Sesame Street, so I looked it up, and found that it means "in charge".

Fine - director/sole provider of some sort of community group, I'm thinking. Perhaps a little more digging will point me in the right direction. I looked back at the credit report, which had a listing for a previous place of employment.

I skipped down the previous place of employment, which turns out to be...a Nevada brothel. (No, not the big famous one - a different one.)

Right. Got it. The cross-street/intersection address makes sense now. "Recreational services" indeed.

Now how to document this?

I put the number in the record as a work number, and list her place of employment as "Independent Contractor".

And I am SO hoping she picks up on a predictive dialer.

The Unintentional Poet of Collections

I have held off on descriptions of my colleagues for a while now for a variety of reasons. Partially because I don't want posts to devolve into generic whining about the people I work with, and partially because even though we're on a "team", collections is a really solitary endeavor between me and the person on the phone.

Colleagues do come into play in seating arrangements, and was one of the things that drove me nuts last month, but I'm beginning to appreciate. So I will tell you about Steve, whom I have been seated next to for the past two months and have worked with for the past several.

Note: names have been changed to protect the gainfully employed who prefer to remain that way.

Much of our team is under 30, with the exceptions of me, Steve, and Mario, one of the senior collectors.

Mario is an easy thumbnail sketch - he's a large Italian-American man about my age who works at his parents' restaurant as a cook on the weekends and who grew up in New York City and still has that NYC Italian accent. (Which gets heavier and thicker on the phone if he's having difficulty with a borrower. When Mario starts sounding like Don Corleone, you know the call isn't going well.) Happily married, teenage stepson, and new baby that is running slighty roughshod over his ability to come in to work on time. Late nights Monday and Thursday tend to be just us, and I rather like him. Nice guy - we get along well.

Steve is not so easy to thumbnail, at least not for me. Steve is in his 50's, also a large man (note to self - start exercising), and has done a wide range of things in his life from computer programming in the late '70s to selling most everything under the sun. He's been with the company for about three years now. He also has a wide range of skills, having come in one Monday exhausted from spending the weekend putting on new brakes and a new stereo in his car, and complaining that his friend's lift no longer works so he has to pay someone to fix the exhaust.

(He also keeps telling me I need to get rid of the Mercedes and get a Dodge Neon. I think he may be on to something.)

I also get along well with Steve, though he drives most of the team nuts. The first reason for this is that Steve is...loud. In person, on the phone...he can and will (completely inadvertently) drown out anything.

The second reason is that Steve rambles. A lot. You will never get a short answer from Steve when there's a long one to be found. He also is a great giver of advice - some useful, some not, always unsolicited. After sitting next to him for a while I've learned to filter the not useful, ponder the useful, and to be constantly prepared at the end of a call for a "Ya know, Nick..."

It's actually the second reason that drives people insane at work. Collections is a field where time, literally, is money. Time spent not collecting from someone or not actively positively trying to collect from someone is time wasted. Conversations are short. Time spent talking to a borrower should be kept to the absolute minimum necessary to achieve results. Eyes on the prize.

Steve, stop talking during staff meeting so we can get out of here and back on the floor.

Last month drove me insane sitting between Steve and Mario. Steve is left handed, so when he takes a financial statement or has to write anything down while talking to someone, he leans to the left side of his desk. Steve was on my right, so he pretty much spent any time on the phone bellowing into my ear.

Which wouldn't have been so bad if Mario hadn't been listening to Steve on my left, and trying to tell Steve to get to the point and not talk his way out of programs. For Mario has to do the second talk-off on all of Steve's calls (as he does with everyone on his side of the row), and Mario has much better luck with people the less time Steve spends on the phone with them. Just a matter of style. For no one wants to talk to The Godfather after too much of the bizarre almost beat poetry that is Steve's talk-off and pitch.

Now that I'm not in the crossfire (I finally got to the point last month of passing Steve notes to let Mario jump on the call when I couldn't take it anymore, and Steve and I switched seats for this month), I can appreciate Steve's conversations for the poetry that they are. Steve is apologetic for having to say anything even slightly negative. Steve over-explains everything, getting into the nuts and bolts of student loans that he finds fascinating (but no borrower ever does). Steve's borrower conversations are at least twice as long as the team average. His abuse and application of language borders on the legendary, from the "quick and dirty financial statement" to "I'm sorry, I have to get this legal junk out of the way first and tell you what you probably already know - that this is an attempt by a debt collector..." (legally required by Federal law to say exactly "This is an attempt by a debt collector to collect a debt, and any information obtained will be used solely for that purpose", actually) to prepositional placement that rivals Yoda at his best.

Steve is also, from the perspective of management, a Fair Debt Collections Practices Act disclosure nightmare. He overshares without proper verification. He misrepresents the nature of our company and the nature of programs to better fit the ramble. He inadvertently pitches hardship programs in such a way that it limits any possibility that they might actually pay even if able.

In Steve's defense (and the reason I will not criticize any of the above) is one simple figure. In February, Steve pulled in 167% of his NPV goal, making him top collector for not just our team, but our section of west-coast teams. They gave him a certificate (along with a nice bonus check), which he added to his "collection". Yes, he has several.

Steve, in short, violates every single rule of good collections, and yet he succeeds in this strange niche he's created for himself.

But things are changing a bit, and this is the reason I wanted to talk about Steve. Upper management has not been happy with what they've been hearing on the phone from collectors, and there is a training movement to try and standardize a lot of what is heard and said out on the collection floor.

A lot of the reason for this movement has been to reign in problems from the other end of the spectrum - collectors who start a first borrower conversation with "Hi, I'm calling you to discuss your impending wage garnishment at 15% of gross pay for non-payment of student loans." It is also to drive profits and push for greater returns on outstanding loans, which frankly is what a collection agency is supposed to do.

Much of the training has involved listening to actual calls from the people in the room, how to tighten up delivery, insist initially on Balance in Full is Due, etc. Training will be a separate post at some point as well.

But yesterday our manager and senior manager brought us all into the training room to listen to nine calls the team had made and discuss them. None of my calls were heard (for which I'm grateful), but we did listen and critique two of Steve's calls. The critiques of his calls were not kind, and the senior manager was just in complete shock after listening to a particularly inappropriate disclosure-y ramble.

I should also mention Steve had called in sick that day. I'm not sure if that was for the better or not. Honestly, I think it was.

Mario did point out - to end the critique as it was devolving into Steve-bashing - that Steve was Steve and probably was never going to change. Mario's right. Change confuses him - he doesn't adapt quickly, and doesn't process shouting or pressure at all. He is who he is and it works for him, and more importantly gets results. No one else can do what Steve does, and a team of Steves would be disastrous. But having one is useful.

It will be interesting to see where this training program leads, though, especially if the senior manager starts putting pressure to reign Steve in. And judging by the look of shock and horror on her face as she listened to the call, I think that's coming.

Spin the wheel, take the ride...

One of the pluses of collections as opposed to telemarketing is not being on a constant "predictive" dialler. As a telemarketer or cold-caller for other agencies, you are on a call stream where you may or may not connect, and have to be ready to bounce into your spiel at any moment.

Collections is mostly independent calling where your skip-tracing takes you, but we do have occasional diallers that last about an hour each shift. They are a mixed blessing - if you get someone on the phone during a dialler and get them into a program, it's yours and it doesn't matter whose desk it was in. On the other hand, someone might finally get someone on the phone you've been meaning to get.

The diallers are of three types - home phone, work phone, and Waterfall. Home phone and work phone are easy enough to navigate, as you're pretty sure of what you're going to get due to the call destinations.

Waterfall, however, is the wild and crazy ride to strap in and see what happens. Waterfall can be exhausting to work, and the dialler especially so.

Waterfall is a data mining listing of phone numbers from several different agencies. Every couple of days new numbers show up, and in the listing there is supposed to be an explanation of what the number might be. However, I have only ever seen the explanation of "Borrower" - meaning a probable home phone.

The reality is a range of possibilities. Most of the time I get a "don't know that person and I just got this phone" or "Who? No, I've never heard of that person." or "Sorry - no English."

Occasionally it's a direct link to the borrower, and you actually get them on the phone. The trick on those calls is to retain composure, as if you were always intending that it was the borrower on the phone. Since usually it is because they are staying with a relative or hiding out somewhere and they are in as complete shock as you. If you show the first sign of fear or shock yourself, they will hang up on you and you will never hear from them again.

Generally, though, it is an array of ghosts from the borrower's past. Several recent greatest hits have included:

"Oh, we bought this house from her about two years ago. Was a great deal - she really needed it sold. No idea where she went."

"He used to date my daughter. She hasn't seen him for about two years, and I can tell you we're all pretty grateful for that."

"That bitch used to rent from us - left the place a fucking shambles and still owes us four months rent. If you find her, give us a call again, would ya?"

"Fuck, man...no, he was my dealer. Haven't seen him since I got clean. Heard he had to high-tail it out of town between the cops and the Colombians after his ass. How the fuck did you GET this number, anyway?"

(We also get the usual tales of parents who haven't seen children, children who haven't seen parents, and other fun family squabbles. Relatives will probably be its own post at some point.)

Leaving messages on Waterfall calls is tricky, so especially on the predictive dialer we tend to not leave messages. Which leads to some very cranky people sometimes.

"You have been calling my number and hanging up for the last two months! I don't know who that is. Why do you keep calling me if she doesn't live here?!?!?"

"Well, now that we know this isn't her number..."

"You didn't KNOW this wasn't her number? Haven't you people heard of the god-damn PHONE BOOK?!?"

There is also the issue that we are not the only company that hires these data-mining agencies. So if someone is a serial debtor, chances are a waterfall number has been hit by a few people before we get to it. Which leads to REALLY angry people.

"You people all keep calling for this guy! And the last one yelled at me and said he knew I was lying but I'm not!!!!! What's your company?!?!"

"Ma'am, that wasn't us who called you...this is the first..."

"I don't care! I'm gonna report someone! And it's gonna be you, dammit! Who are you??!?!?!"

"You have a lovely day, ma'am. I'll mark down this isn't his number." Click.

Add to all this mix that the predictive dialer doesn't always bring up information with the greatest speed, so often you're left there hanging while trying to stall for time before the name comes up. And heaven forbid it's a complicated name to pronounce.

"Calls are monitored and recorded. Hi, I was trying to reach Rama...su...quar..."

Hysterical laughter, followed by hangup.

It's exhausting - 20 minutes on a predictive Waterfall dialer and I some need either coffee or some sort of break just for the mental space. But I will never complain about being on a Waterfall dialer remembering back to my first month on the regular collection floor, on a 50,000 dollar account I hit on the predictive waterfall dialer where I asked for the borrower, and after a pause heard...

"Holy shit - how the hell did you find me?"

Spin the wheel, take the ride.

It could have been worse...

While I was listening to the rant about the crack addict professor, a colleage of mine was having a chat of similar length with a mentally ill Scientologist who no longer took her medication as a result of church teachings.

I'm not sure which was worse, as he did actually get the Scientologist to agree to a hardship program. Let's see if the person follows through.

What your diploma from Underwater Basketweaving U. will get you

I have personally attended a highly prestigious (and expensive) college and a highly regarded state university for the two degrees I have. I also worked at two highly regarded state colleges. Everyone I know who has gone on to college has gone to state colleges at least, or possibly community colleges.

So I was in no way prepared for the wide range of dubious institutions of higher education I would come into contact with in student loan collections, and the stories from them.

I had a long chat with a borrower today about her educational experience and why she shouldn't have to pay her bill. "The professor came in high on crack or pills every class...then she got into a car accident and we had this sub who didn't know anything about medical transcription...they offered to transfer me into the paralegal program but I didn't WANT to be a paralegal, so I dropped out...then they got the loan money for the next semester...does that seem fair to you?"

Not really, I tell her, but we're not investigators. We're collectors. Complain all you want to the proper people, but I need to see how to get your loan out of default.

Which didn't happen. She just kept ranting on about how that college screwed her over, and how she had to pay for her current college education out of pocket, and if only SOMEONE would help her out with that but no one wants to help, and can you hold please?

I hung up after being on hold for four minutes. And I will not be calling her back.

There are some schools out there that definitely have a feel to them of being more money-making racket than education. And one of the criticisms of private lenders that led to the current change in law is that private lenders would agree to fund loans to these schools in bizarre kick-back schemes that profited everyone but the students.

So I hear all the stories of the schools that closed down, the schools that folded programs, the schools that promised the world and failed to deliver much of anything. And borrowers complain that they shouldn't have to pay the loans now due to being screwed over.

On the one hand, I understand this. In the case of the person who complained of the crack-addict teacher, I agree that there should have been something in place to make sure this was taken care of.

On the other hand...the loan in question has been in default since 2006. And taken out in 2004. At some point long before this, there should have been a complaint to the school. And having the loan in default is only hurting them. The school got paid. Without hiring an attorney, you just have to pay the debt.

And as she was lamenting to me about how no one would help her, I was trying to explain how I could have. I'll do the hardship programs for small loans that make my manager grumble. I'll put forward the effort. But she had to give me a small break in that 20-minute rant about the unfairness of the school in order to start the process.

It gets back to the idea that you can only help those who want to be helped. But it made for a slightly frustrating start to the day.

Snapshot of a conversation I could not have kept up...

I heard this one over the cubicle wall from one of the other business lines a couple of weeks ago. You'll have to fill in the other half of the conversation the same as I did.

"Sir, what are your intentions on this loan of ninety thousand dollars?"

"You intend to pay balance in full? Will that be check or credit card?"

"No, sir, I don't know if Snoop Doggy Dogg will float you a loan. Do you know him personally?"

"No, sir, I cannot call Snoop Doggy Dogg and ask him for you. If you don't know him, I doubt he will lend you the money to pay the loan."

"Well, sir, I might recommend that you possibly get a job."

"I have a job, and it's one that I do quite well. I have no interest in applying for Snoop Doggy Dogg's posse, but if you feel that would be a good career move for you..."

"Sir, I am trying to have a reasonable conversation with you about a debt you owe, and you keep saying Snoop Doggy Dogg over and over again. If you won't be reasonable about this, I'll just mark that you are refusing to pay on the loan and we will take actions accordingly."

"Sir, you may call me 'El Stupido' all you want and it changes nothing. You have a great day, and I am terminating this call."

We all applauded on our side of the cubicle.

Then another voice over the cubicle wall...

"Hey, Mark...is this the guy you were just talking to? He called in and started screaming 'El Stupido' over and over and then hung up."

After he called in and did that for the third time Mark went to go find someone in the dialer department to block the number.

Yep - welcome to the exciting world of collections.

There's a protest singer - he's singin protest songs

This post is a little late, since the legislation in question already passed. But it's still a window into some of what was happening in the past month or so.

Since I was hired, there had always been some constant rumbling in the background about crazy changes Congress might make to the way student loans were issued, possibly even taking out the whole idea of third-party loans. That bill never made it out of committee, so we all figured we were all set.

The company I work for is split between collecting for the Department of Education, and collecting for third-party guarantors. The bill that the Education Committee came up with would have eliminated third-party government student loans entirely, which would have put a huge segment of my company out of business.

Then the word came down in an all-staff meeting - get back on the phones and start calling senators and representatives again, because the student finance reform bill that didn't make it out of committee just got shoved into the health care legislation as a rider.

(At the time it made no sense to me, but in hindsight I understand - the bill had to generate funds somewhere to offset the tab, and the savings projected from government not having to pay 3rd-party lenders to make up for interest variations balanced out part of the health care costs. Also, it wasn't getting passed on its own, and Obama really wanted it.)

So people duly got back on the phones during work time to contact representatives and senators in the "grassroots effort". Which, as much as one may snark at the term when encouraged by the company, you're dealing with people who have mainly high-school educations and are getting paid 12 bucks an hour base salary. There's a lot of interest in keeping those jobs if you can do them.

The company then told us they were taking "grassroots" to the next level - they were chartering buses from the two locations to go to Rochester and Buffalo to meet with senate and representative staffers and protest. All time involved - protest and travel - would be on the clock. Make signs if you want. If you have the "Save New York Jobs" t-shirts printed from the last time we were panicked about this, wear them.

I checked the weather. Sunny and beautiful, in the upper forties in mid-March. And I still had my shirt. I signed up.

There were five buses total from our office - three going to Buffalo, and two going to Rochester. I chose the Buffalo bus because that was the larger group, the bigwigs from the office were going there, and Buffalo was going to be a longer day.

So we bussed down to Buffalo, and I got a chance to really chat with one of the women on my team, which was nice. Got to talk about life, the windmill farms (she thinks they're ugly, I think they are actually quite beautiful), and the state of the world.

Then we got to Buffalo, and parked in one of the heavier industrial parts of town. The pre-selected chant was "Save our jobs", and one of our more boisterous collectors (a fellow west-coaster) ran to the front and got us chanting and screaming through sheer force of personality.

The building we were originally chanting outside was an old steel building with a sign out front about leasing space painted on to the front. As we were chanting "Save Our Jobs!" a cardboard sign came out from one of the windows the size of the window in big print saying "SAVE OUR JOBS". We all cheered when we saw it.

We chanted outside the representative office for the cameras, egged on by our west coast colleague, as people looked on from the upper floors. We cheered at people who honked at us as they passed, and ignored the people who just kept driving.

The signs were a wide range of things. Some talked about keeping New York jobs, some disparaged the health plan. I think the best one had the outline of a cat in a three-piece suit saying "Do I Look Like a Fat-Cat banker to you?" Which kind of summed up the whole situation. Yes, the banks had really screwed up, but here were decent people hoping to keep their jobs that paid a decent wage.

We got back on the bus, and went to Buffalo's downtown. We got dropped off near Shea's, and marched along the street, signs held high, moving past For Rent sign after For Rent sign, waving our signs past the HEAP office, down the tracks, and finally across from the building.

It was interesting to people watch, especially among our group. The first protest site was near a parking lot, wide open spaces. This was crowded, downtown, with lots of people from the sticks who hadn't been outside of the county in probably some time.

Lots of people were taking cell phone pics of our group, and texting friends on the tram line and asked us what was going on. It was outside of the unemployment offices as well, so our bosses also got a few questions about where our office was located, with some great disappointment that it was so far away.

In the end, I don't know if we accomplished much. The provision wasn't taken out from the health care bill, and we're now waiting on corporate to find out what happens now. But it was a good showing of people rallying to a cause, and a good day for a walk. At least it was that.