Under my skin

I got three of the strangest phone calls in the space of a few hours last week. One was an outlier I'll use for a different post, but the other two are a good combination of the extremes of dealing with people on the phone.

The first was a guy who seemed to own his own business but had a strange rash of commentary when called at work. "Borrower lives in Fiji and is not in very often" is one that comes to mind. So I called at work.

"Hey, is Mr. Jones in?"
"No, this is the warehouse. He's on the Executive Board."
Sure. "Alright, is there a better number I could reach him at? A front desk number?"
"Where are you calling from?"
A killer question. Per company policy, directly asked, have to answer. So I answer.
"Hmm...don't know anything about them. But you know what I think?"
"What?"
He laughs a bit. "Shouldn't you be dialling for dollars?"
I have no response to this. I wait.
"I'll tell you what. I think you should go get the Sunday paper, check out the want ads, shine your shoes, pull out your suit. Polish up the 12 year old Honda Accord Mommy got you for graduation. And go find yourself a real job."
And I answer with the wittiest, sharpest comeback imaginable. "Well, you have a wonderful evening, sir." And I hang up.

I've had various people inform me I'm going to Hell, that I'm harassing them, that they are going to report me to the Proper Authorities where I Will Be Dealt With Severely. I've been called an asshole, a bloodsucker, a fucking bastard, a disgrace to humanity, and had someone run a circular saw near the phone and tell me I'd face that if I call again. I laughed at all of them.

This guy bothered me. I had to go take a walk.

The walk made me calm down so I could take the second call, but still hadn't figured out what bothered me about the call until recently.

In my mind I do have the sense that this isn't a real job, since it is a diversion from the path I'd intended to take. There is a part of me that is terrified that it is a permanent diversion, which is silly, but is a fear nonetheless. (If nothing else, with no improvement in performance I'll be fired by the end of February - thus ending that stage of the diversion.)

There is always a sense of desperation in the field - this is not the ideal of where anyone ever expected to be. There are a very select few who do feel this area as a natural fit - I can say I've honestly met one, and I don't work with him. Even in training, the emphasis wasn't on job satisfaction, but on the large bonus checks that can pay for the stuff you want. And for some that works, though it turns bitter when the promised riches don't come.

So what am I doing? At the moment, working a job where I can exist conveniently, and enjoy mornings and early afternoons with my son. Where I have health insurance, which was needed desperately when Sam got pneumonia back in October, the first month I'd had insurance since February.

Yes, I should be doing something else. And I will be doing something else. But for the moment, I will be doing this. And eventually, I will call him again.