As I've been filling out the job application for Geneseo Elementary, there is a section for Professional/Civic Organizations - with multiple spaces. And it's making me realize the degree to which I've pretty much checked out over the past year.
Since as far as that goes, I got nothin'.
There are, of course, a multitude of reasons for that - it has been a year of recovery and trying to reconnect with life as things have been shaken like a snow globe. I really was looking forward to going into September recharged, ready to implement a whole lot of what I've been learning and re-connecting with.
But employers don't want to hear that. They want to hear that you are a Competent Professional. Especially in a town like Geneseo, they want to see you as a grounded, well-rounded member of society. A few years ago, I would have had a lot to put on there, but for the moment I got nothing.
I suppose I can rejoin NYLA (as my current income is nothing, it should be relatively cheap), which I probably should have done at the beginning of the year anyway. And I've been doing a lot of professional development - learning about the Common Core and new books - but there really isn't space for it.
Guess I just need a really really good cover letter. :)
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Tossing expectations into the river
Zen Habits is a blog I've been reading pretty heavily for the past year now - it's a blog about simplification and focus in the modern age. One post I read (and now have printed and posted on my fridge) is called "Toss Your Expectations Into The Ocean", and you can find it here:
http://zenhabits.net/ah/
(I'll wait while you read it. Need to grab breakfast anyway, right...)
I originally read it a couple of weeks ago, and I like the idea of living without expectations. So I mentally imagined tossing them into the ocean, freeing myself from their tyranny and living free.
It didn't work. Still hunkered down and depressed.
So on Tuesday afternoon, I sat down and I wrote out my expectations of life - expectations that had failed, expectations about job, legacy, relationships, etc. I came up with five big ones that covered a lot of them.
There is a creek that runs behind my apartment, and I have a favorite spot at the park where I can sit basically in the middle of it. I brought the piece of paper and a cigar, and went down to the spot for a smoke and to toss it into the river.
I read them out loud, just to hear them. Then let the paper fall from my hands, and sat down to watch it drift away down the creek and bask in the cool waters.
This too, was an expectation of sorts. The list got caught in an eddy. About three feet from the rock I was sitting on. Just swirling around and around. I almost grabbed a stick to send it on its way...and then realized this was a part of the process. Relax. Release expectations. The list, if not drifting down, will at least sink. And it will still be gone. So I stopped looking around for a stick, put my feet in the water, and watched the list swirl.
After a moment, the list found its way out of the eddy and did drift downstream. I moved my feet slowly back and forth in the water, enjoying the peace of seeing the expectations drift downstream.
And then something bit my foot.
Standing up on the rock, breathing fast, I watched the list disappear in the blaze of the sun on the water. No expectations of peace, or well-being, or allowing to linger. Just being. And seeing where that goes.
Might have to toss expectations back in the river again when I feel them cropping back up. But it's not a bad exercise.
http://zenhabits.net/ah/
(I'll wait while you read it. Need to grab breakfast anyway, right...)
I originally read it a couple of weeks ago, and I like the idea of living without expectations. So I mentally imagined tossing them into the ocean, freeing myself from their tyranny and living free.
It didn't work. Still hunkered down and depressed.
So on Tuesday afternoon, I sat down and I wrote out my expectations of life - expectations that had failed, expectations about job, legacy, relationships, etc. I came up with five big ones that covered a lot of them.
There is a creek that runs behind my apartment, and I have a favorite spot at the park where I can sit basically in the middle of it. I brought the piece of paper and a cigar, and went down to the spot for a smoke and to toss it into the river.
I read them out loud, just to hear them. Then let the paper fall from my hands, and sat down to watch it drift away down the creek and bask in the cool waters.
This too, was an expectation of sorts. The list got caught in an eddy. About three feet from the rock I was sitting on. Just swirling around and around. I almost grabbed a stick to send it on its way...and then realized this was a part of the process. Relax. Release expectations. The list, if not drifting down, will at least sink. And it will still be gone. So I stopped looking around for a stick, put my feet in the water, and watched the list swirl.
After a moment, the list found its way out of the eddy and did drift downstream. I moved my feet slowly back and forth in the water, enjoying the peace of seeing the expectations drift downstream.
And then something bit my foot.
Standing up on the rock, breathing fast, I watched the list disappear in the blaze of the sun on the water. No expectations of peace, or well-being, or allowing to linger. Just being. And seeing where that goes.
Might have to toss expectations back in the river again when I feel them cropping back up. But it's not a bad exercise.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
New Habit #2
I’ve been doing the beta test for Leo Babauta’s Habit Course, and the beta test has come to an end. What I’ve found is that during the beta test, I am now waking up in a regular way at 5:30am, no matter what hour I go to sleep. This being one of the habits I NEVER thought I would break free of, I am shocked and amazed by this 30-day idea of changing a single habit.
The question is which habit to tackle next. I think the habit I’m going to tackle next is going to be a daily writing habit - something I’ve been meaning to do for YEARS now and just haven’t done it.
My reasons for it are as follows:
* my experience is that I feel much saner when I am creating something
* I do have stories I want to tell
* This is something that ties in to the previous habit - one of the issues that I’ve had with getting up is having a purpose for getting up that early (other than being on time for work).
So I’m going to restart the cycle - this week is going to be prep to get ready for the habit, and that means going back to the opening sheet and developing a plan:
What is your target habit?
Beginning the day with a half hour of writing, increasing to an hour.
How difficult/easy is this habit?
5. Getting started on the getting up was the tough part.
What will be your daily trigger?
Getting up in the morning and meditation routine.
Specific action you'll do after the trigger?
Get cup of coffee and sit down to write.
Probable obstacles and how you'll overcome them.
My apartment is still not conducive to ease of flow and energy. So part of the prep week is cleaning and organizing so that I don’t have the clutter taking up creative space.
There are the usual obstacles of any endeavour, but I think getting into the projects will be good for me and will provide motivation.
Positive reinforcement and encouragement plan:
Breakfast immediately after writing - maybe a quick cigar if it isn’t raining.
Accountability system/Support system:
Facebook status seems to be a good way to do it. I got lots of positive encouragement for changing my sleeping habits, so hopefully this will have the same effect.
Research:
This used to be an important part of my life, but I was never willing to make it a priority. It has to be now, as I’m tired of not writing my novel(s).
The question is which habit to tackle next. I think the habit I’m going to tackle next is going to be a daily writing habit - something I’ve been meaning to do for YEARS now and just haven’t done it.
My reasons for it are as follows:
* my experience is that I feel much saner when I am creating something
* I do have stories I want to tell
* This is something that ties in to the previous habit - one of the issues that I’ve had with getting up is having a purpose for getting up that early (other than being on time for work).
So I’m going to restart the cycle - this week is going to be prep to get ready for the habit, and that means going back to the opening sheet and developing a plan:
What is your target habit?
Beginning the day with a half hour of writing, increasing to an hour.
How difficult/easy is this habit?
5. Getting started on the getting up was the tough part.
What will be your daily trigger?
Getting up in the morning and meditation routine.
Specific action you'll do after the trigger?
Get cup of coffee and sit down to write.
Probable obstacles and how you'll overcome them.
My apartment is still not conducive to ease of flow and energy. So part of the prep week is cleaning and organizing so that I don’t have the clutter taking up creative space.
There are the usual obstacles of any endeavour, but I think getting into the projects will be good for me and will provide motivation.
Positive reinforcement and encouragement plan:
Breakfast immediately after writing - maybe a quick cigar if it isn’t raining.
Accountability system/Support system:
Facebook status seems to be a good way to do it. I got lots of positive encouragement for changing my sleeping habits, so hopefully this will have the same effect.
Research:
This used to be an important part of my life, but I was never willing to make it a priority. It has to be now, as I’m tired of not writing my novel(s).
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Testing out new habits
So I have signed up for being a beta tester for a “Habits Course” developed by Leo Babauta of Zen Habits. Zen Habits is a blog I read in a regular way for self improvement and self-development tips (though I’ve done a piss-poor job of actually implementing any of them).
The habits course is trying to begin one good or eliminate one bad habit, and how to go about it. The idea is that it takes time, and to develop a solid plan for doing so. Knowing that I could come up with a habit I should either start or stop, I signed up.
No, this is NOT a request for suggestions. :)
The habit I’ve decided to work on is getting up in the morning. I have always been a “bed lounger” - lying around, staring at the ceiling, not wanting to get up until the absolute last minute I possibly can, and then running around in a flurry as I try to get everything done. It always ends in my getting out the door late, and then cascades into the whole day being late, and me running on “Nick time”.
So what to replace lounging with? If I still want to have a quiet start to the morning, I’m thinking that starting the day with 10 minutes or so of quiet meditation would be for the best. Not forcing myself to do something like go jogging, or other such things. Quick switch for switch.
The first week is planning - so I have vacation to plan and adjust, which sets me up for the perky mornings starting right when we get back. I’m looking over the planning sheet, and I’m going to fill it out here first.
What is your target habit?
Beginning the day with 10 minutes of meditation immediately.
How difficult/easy is this habit? *
7 - will be hard to break 37 years of being a morning slouch
What will be your daily trigger?
Alarm clock goes off.
Specific action you'll do after the trigger
Get up, put on teakettle, then sit down to meditate.
Probable obstacles and how you'll overcome them.
Apartment is not conducive to meditation and the process I want to incorporate - will work on that in the planning week.
I am a natural-born morning slacker - will overcome with promise of coffee post-meditation, and reminders that, well, this is the whole point, now isn’t it?
Positive reinforcement and encouragement plan:
Positive reinforcement will be coffee and breakfast (part of the reason for the change as well). Also a quick walk out to the bridge if it’s nice enough for a walk.
And hopefully, just enjoying that I did it. :)
Accountability system:
Daily reporting system build into the Habit system.
Support system:
Will be posting on FB, though not with status updates. there is something called 30 days that I think will work without annoying my friends.
Research:
There’s all the research about meditation being beneficial, and I know I will never be the type to jump up and run a few miles. I also know step 1 of the process (cut the nightly cocktail) will also be of great benefit as well.
So yeah - that's my plan, though i need to wait until vacation to do the planning, though I can start in on some of the prep. Will be interesting to see if this works.
The habits course is trying to begin one good or eliminate one bad habit, and how to go about it. The idea is that it takes time, and to develop a solid plan for doing so. Knowing that I could come up with a habit I should either start or stop, I signed up.
No, this is NOT a request for suggestions. :)
The habit I’ve decided to work on is getting up in the morning. I have always been a “bed lounger” - lying around, staring at the ceiling, not wanting to get up until the absolute last minute I possibly can, and then running around in a flurry as I try to get everything done. It always ends in my getting out the door late, and then cascades into the whole day being late, and me running on “Nick time”.
So what to replace lounging with? If I still want to have a quiet start to the morning, I’m thinking that starting the day with 10 minutes or so of quiet meditation would be for the best. Not forcing myself to do something like go jogging, or other such things. Quick switch for switch.
The first week is planning - so I have vacation to plan and adjust, which sets me up for the perky mornings starting right when we get back. I’m looking over the planning sheet, and I’m going to fill it out here first.
What is your target habit?
Beginning the day with 10 minutes of meditation immediately.
How difficult/easy is this habit? *
7 - will be hard to break 37 years of being a morning slouch
What will be your daily trigger?
Alarm clock goes off.
Specific action you'll do after the trigger
Get up, put on teakettle, then sit down to meditate.
Probable obstacles and how you'll overcome them.
Apartment is not conducive to meditation and the process I want to incorporate - will work on that in the planning week.
I am a natural-born morning slacker - will overcome with promise of coffee post-meditation, and reminders that, well, this is the whole point, now isn’t it?
Positive reinforcement and encouragement plan:
Positive reinforcement will be coffee and breakfast (part of the reason for the change as well). Also a quick walk out to the bridge if it’s nice enough for a walk.
And hopefully, just enjoying that I did it. :)
Accountability system:
Daily reporting system build into the Habit system.
Support system:
Will be posting on FB, though not with status updates. there is something called 30 days that I think will work without annoying my friends.
Research:
There’s all the research about meditation being beneficial, and I know I will never be the type to jump up and run a few miles. I also know step 1 of the process (cut the nightly cocktail) will also be of great benefit as well.
So yeah - that's my plan, though i need to wait until vacation to do the planning, though I can start in on some of the prep. Will be interesting to see if this works.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Detox
Spring cleaning time. I will make a notable exception for a friendly beer with a certain very cute someone if she comes over. However, other than that, the booze is done for the time being. Detox begins. Time to get healthy again.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Prime, priming, and primed
When deciding where Sam was going to be for New Years, Jess mentioned that the friends' party she was going to was going to feature a flaming punchbowl. 2010 has been a rough year for many, especially among our group of mutual friends. The idea, apparently, was that 2010 was a year that deserved an ending involving something being set on fire. And a punchbowl was the largest thing they could do without a permit or potential property damage.
I agreed - 2010 had indeed been that sort of year. And agreed that Sam should go to the party to see other friends' kids. And the flaming punchbowl. No five year old should ever miss that opportunity.
My initial reflection was that 2010 was a year that deserves to be beaten senseless by the empty champagne bottles that rang it in with such hope and optimism a year ago. However, on further reflection, most of my own issues with 2010 were the final "hangover" pangs of that apocalyptically Foul Year of 2009. There needed to be a year of adjustment, of changes, and of alterations. 2009 had legs, I tell you.
My final act of 2010 is to prime the bedroom of my apartment. I'd finished painting the rest of the place back in the summer, and declared that I could live with the bedroom in its current state. But I realized I was suffering from some chronic exhaustion, lack of spark, and occasional recurring bouts of leftover depression.
I blame the bedroom. Bed placement, looking at the holes in the door and the wall, the scarred, dark, and depressing paint job. New Year, new bedroom to get strength from. So over the past week I've finished patching, and today I coated the walls and trim with Kilz primer. Not sure what color I'm going to paint it - probably some sort of blue, though much lighter than the Dark Night Of The Soul Blue it was before.
I have no flaming punchbowl, but there will be fireworks on the bridge at 9. And there's a band down at the Eagle. So, a shower, a few shots of Jagermeister to drown the dregs of 2010, and a bottle of champagne in the fridge to cheer on the New Year when I get back.
And I'm going to hold on to the wisdom of Red Green in his Facebook status: "[2011] is a prime number, so it should be a prime year!" Indeed. Raise a glass.
I agreed - 2010 had indeed been that sort of year. And agreed that Sam should go to the party to see other friends' kids. And the flaming punchbowl. No five year old should ever miss that opportunity.
My initial reflection was that 2010 was a year that deserves to be beaten senseless by the empty champagne bottles that rang it in with such hope and optimism a year ago. However, on further reflection, most of my own issues with 2010 were the final "hangover" pangs of that apocalyptically Foul Year of 2009. There needed to be a year of adjustment, of changes, and of alterations. 2009 had legs, I tell you.
My final act of 2010 is to prime the bedroom of my apartment. I'd finished painting the rest of the place back in the summer, and declared that I could live with the bedroom in its current state. But I realized I was suffering from some chronic exhaustion, lack of spark, and occasional recurring bouts of leftover depression.
I blame the bedroom. Bed placement, looking at the holes in the door and the wall, the scarred, dark, and depressing paint job. New Year, new bedroom to get strength from. So over the past week I've finished patching, and today I coated the walls and trim with Kilz primer. Not sure what color I'm going to paint it - probably some sort of blue, though much lighter than the Dark Night Of The Soul Blue it was before.
I have no flaming punchbowl, but there will be fireworks on the bridge at 9. And there's a band down at the Eagle. So, a shower, a few shots of Jagermeister to drown the dregs of 2010, and a bottle of champagne in the fridge to cheer on the New Year when I get back.
And I'm going to hold on to the wisdom of Red Green in his Facebook status: "[2011] is a prime number, so it should be a prime year!" Indeed. Raise a glass.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Adding to your folklore
"What do you do when you've got nothing to do? Grow lemons. Germinate them by hand. Become a farmer of big-ass monster-sized lemons. Add it to your folklore."
-Keith Richards
We all have our own personal folklore - a listing of crazy things we've done, wide ranges of strange, interesting, and out of the ordinary. The guy at the store counter who boxes on the weekends. Your co-worker who runs an illegal sports booking agency in the basement of his uncle's restaurant. The electrical engineer who fronted a punk band back in his 20's, and rejoined the band when he took early retirement. (That being James Williamson, guitarist for Iggy & the Stooges. His story still cracks me up.)
This being the end of the year, I'm seeing all sorts of articles on websites about "How to Improve for 2011!!!!!!!" and such. Better finances, better job, better quads...etc. Lots and lots of advice that always seems to come around every year.
For my how to improve for 2011, I'm going to consider my folklore. I've had a pretty good run so far - an odd and eclectic range of stuff I've done, lots of different friends (though in the age of Facebook, I do a piss-poor job of keeping in touch), and an odd array of skills from all the experiences.
But what brought me thinking about it again was talking with a substitute teacher who has also led a very eclectic life. He asked me if I felt "limited" being a librarian, and I told him I didn't - as a librarian, I am a licensed "professional dabbler". I am expected to be a font of odd information and to know a wide range of different things.
Lately, I've been doing very little dabbling and a lot of healing. I now have a space I'm almost happy with, back in a job I'm learning to enjoy again, and making peace with the consequences of past actions that will not be changing in the forseeable future. So it is time to look forward to 2011, and what I can add to my folklore.
I've been listening to Mr. Richards and his fine album "Exile on Main St." a lot lately. Right now the album is wrapping up on what I thought was always the natural ending - "Shine a Light". Mick Taylor's soaring solos, and the other Mick wishing favor on the listener "May the Good Lord shine a light on you - like the evening sun."
So I'll take Mick's evening sun, and I'll hope to add to the folklore. I have some ideas, but I'm feeling optimistic that whatever happens, 2011 will be an adventure.
-Keith Richards
We all have our own personal folklore - a listing of crazy things we've done, wide ranges of strange, interesting, and out of the ordinary. The guy at the store counter who boxes on the weekends. Your co-worker who runs an illegal sports booking agency in the basement of his uncle's restaurant. The electrical engineer who fronted a punk band back in his 20's, and rejoined the band when he took early retirement. (That being James Williamson, guitarist for Iggy & the Stooges. His story still cracks me up.)
This being the end of the year, I'm seeing all sorts of articles on websites about "How to Improve for 2011!!!!!!!" and such. Better finances, better job, better quads...etc. Lots and lots of advice that always seems to come around every year.
For my how to improve for 2011, I'm going to consider my folklore. I've had a pretty good run so far - an odd and eclectic range of stuff I've done, lots of different friends (though in the age of Facebook, I do a piss-poor job of keeping in touch), and an odd array of skills from all the experiences.
But what brought me thinking about it again was talking with a substitute teacher who has also led a very eclectic life. He asked me if I felt "limited" being a librarian, and I told him I didn't - as a librarian, I am a licensed "professional dabbler". I am expected to be a font of odd information and to know a wide range of different things.
Lately, I've been doing very little dabbling and a lot of healing. I now have a space I'm almost happy with, back in a job I'm learning to enjoy again, and making peace with the consequences of past actions that will not be changing in the forseeable future. So it is time to look forward to 2011, and what I can add to my folklore.
I've been listening to Mr. Richards and his fine album "Exile on Main St." a lot lately. Right now the album is wrapping up on what I thought was always the natural ending - "Shine a Light". Mick Taylor's soaring solos, and the other Mick wishing favor on the listener "May the Good Lord shine a light on you - like the evening sun."
So I'll take Mick's evening sun, and I'll hope to add to the folklore. I have some ideas, but I'm feeling optimistic that whatever happens, 2011 will be an adventure.
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