Tossing expectations into the river

Zen Habits is a blog I've been reading pretty heavily for the past year now - it's a blog about simplification and focus in the modern age. One post I read (and now have printed and posted on my fridge) is called "Toss Your Expectations Into The Ocean", and you can find it here:

http://zenhabits.net/ah/

(I'll wait while you read it. Need to grab breakfast anyway, right...)

I originally read it a couple of weeks ago, and I like the idea of living without expectations. So I mentally imagined tossing them into the ocean, freeing myself from their tyranny and living free.

It didn't work. Still hunkered down and depressed.

So on Tuesday afternoon, I sat down and I wrote out my expectations of life - expectations that had failed, expectations about job, legacy, relationships, etc. I came up with five big ones that covered a lot of them.

There is a creek that runs behind my apartment, and I have a favorite spot at the park where I can sit basically in the middle of it. I brought the piece of paper and a cigar, and went down to the spot for a smoke and to toss it into the river.

I read them out loud, just to hear them. Then let the paper fall from my hands, and sat down to watch it drift away down the creek and bask in the cool waters.

This too, was an expectation of sorts. The list got caught in an eddy. About three feet from the rock I was sitting on. Just swirling around and around. I almost grabbed a stick to send it on its way...and then realized this was a part of the process. Relax. Release expectations. The list, if not drifting down, will at least sink. And it will still be gone. So I stopped looking around for a stick, put my feet in the water, and watched the list swirl.

After a moment, the list found its way out of the eddy and did drift downstream. I moved my feet slowly back and forth in the water, enjoying the peace of seeing the expectations drift downstream.

And then something bit my foot.

Standing up on the rock, breathing fast, I watched the list disappear in the blaze of the sun on the water. No expectations of peace, or well-being, or allowing to linger. Just being. And seeing where that goes.

Might have to toss expectations back in the river again when I feel them cropping back up. But it's not a bad exercise.