Gardening and cleaning and preparing

So on an impulse, I bought a pair of hydrangeas. I've always liked them, and the bountiful poof of colors they have. The front yard is the domain of Wendy downstairs, and I wouldn't even DARE ask about sharing space. So the hydrangeas are going out back, in an attempt to reclaim some of the back forty. If those two do well, then I'll look into the possibility of getting more to fill out the back. They would make a great backdrop to the end of the yard, I think. August is upon us, and as a teacher that means getting revved up for the year at hand. It means getting things in order as responsibilities start creeping up and then the crashing of September is at hand. So today is a day of cleaning and setting up aspirations. I need to streamline some things, clear out some things, and finish up a few projects that have just been lying around the apartment. I also plan to make some commitments to an August "challenge" at Zen Habits, so I'm going to do the writing challenge again. Seems like a good plan, and something I keep trying to do. So I'll be posting odd Facebook posts about word-count again. Bear with me. Hope summer is going well for you too. Future posts will hopefully have more substance.

Clean apartment

My apartment is, at the moment, distressingly clean. Anyone who's known me for any length of time will understand what I mean. Neatness and cleanliness have never been the hallmarks of places I've lived. I wouldn't say they ever get to the point of filthy (okay, they have on occasion), but there is always some dirt around the edges. I rescued a friend from a difficult situation the other night, and her way of repaying me was to clean the apartment. She is also someone who has cleaned for a living, which is a completely different mindset of cleaning than any I've ever had. I've never been efficient at it - it's always a slog to get through, and it all piles up because I don't want to deal with it, etc. But she did dishes and cleaned and vacuumed (I can't even remember the last time I vacuumed - how sad is that?), and I now have a sparkling apartment. Which is good, because it's making me think about the rest of it and a need for organization and paring things down. Jess is having the yard sale the weekend after next, and I should add a whole bunch of things to it. Pare down to the simplicity I keep saying I want, yet somehow manage to never get. Probably from having way too much of a pack-rat tendency that was inherited quite honestly from my Dad. But for now I'm grateful, and enjoying the space. More coffee, then on to work, and the ongoing packing project there.

Holding the magic and keeping it alive

I just got back from seeing Jane's Addiction, and I feel like I had the top of my skull lifted off. It was a crazy, intense experience that I am just basking in at the moment.

The catch is hanging on to it. I feel inspired, ready to roll into something creative, expressive, and impressive. :) Must keep the magic. Thank you, gentlemen, for an incredible evening.

Resolutions for 2012

Yeah, technically I'm a little late with these. That's okay - I'm good with a little lateness. This is me, after all.

Habitizing with Leo Babauta from Zen Habits last spring was an eye-opener. I did the Habit Course with the idea of trying to stop being a late riser, and getting right up at 5:30.

Frighteningly enough, I did it. At the end of the month, I was popping right out of bed on time, raring to go. Unfortunately, it didn't last. I had a round of mild depression that kicked the progress back down the well. And I'm still staggering out of bed now.

The problem was, after I did it, I failed to see the point. Yes, getting up early was a noble goal, but WHY? What was I doing with all that extra time? Was there any reasoning or rationale for it? It didn't translate with the funk I was in, and so I stopped.

Looking ahead to 2012 (oh wait - it's already here...nevermind...), I've found some peace with a lot of things that have happened, and I need to move forward to find my own happiness. So, for the first month of 2012, here are my intentions.

1. Artists create things. So create something.
I'm 4000 words into a novel I've tried to start several times. I plan to habitize this as a morning ritual and routine - get up and write. Initially starting with 1000 words, and then moving up to 2000. Gotta get it settled first to make it happen.
365project is another good outlet for this. One picture a day. :)
Also intending on more guitar. We'll see how that goes. Might become a February habit.

2. No more nightcap.
Man, this one has been killing me, and I battle it often. It also seems to be a cause of sleep apnea, which I've been told my several people I have issues with. So we'll see if this helps too. Trade the nightcap for sleepytime tea. Starting tonight. One drink in the evening.

3. Eating breakfast and drinking water.
This is something I got from a book I've been reading that I might write more on later. It's about energy management. I've always been one of those people who have skipped breakfast and run on coffee IV all day. Can't do that anymore. Gotta get the triglyceride count down along with needing to lose a few pounds. So - breakfast. Like oatmeal breakfast.

Certainly enough to start with for a month. As part of the habitizing process, I will be posting regular updates for them. So hopefully you will be seeing updates such as "1200, tea, oatmeal". (Word count, no nightcap, and breakfast. And it will make sense of some sort. Here's hoping for a habitized New Year and exciting stuff on the horizon.

2012 - continuing to add to folklore

I was going over old posts, and came across the one from about this time last year about adding to my folklore. My goal for 2011. So looking back, how did I do?

Results are mixed at best. I'm solidly back in a profession I used to enjoy, and I'm re-finding some of the joy that was part of it. I'm still in the same run-down apartment in LeRoy, but I've been working on clearing the backyard to actually...well, have a back yard. I'm still flat broke, but there seems to be a light somewhere.

I still have the greatest kid in the world. :)

I discovered the scary power of Habitizing when I finally became a morning person for a very brief period of time. It terrified me, and the depression kicked in and won. I intend to Habitize greatly in 2012, and the world better watch the fuck out.

Relationship front is...umm...yeah. Interesting. 2011 ended with a sideswipe I haven't figured out yet, and introduced me to someone who knocked me for a loop. Should be interestings.

Creatively - I have produced...not a goddamn thing. Sad, really.

So as far as personal folklore, it's mixed. I've done a few things, accomplished a few things, and I knew it was going to be a rebuilding year anyway. The question is where it goes from here.

Professional/Civic Organizations

As I've been filling out the job application for Geneseo Elementary, there is a section for Professional/Civic Organizations - with multiple spaces. And it's making me realize the degree to which I've pretty much checked out over the past year.

Since as far as that goes, I got nothin'.

There are, of course, a multitude of reasons for that - it has been a year of recovery and trying to reconnect with life as things have been shaken like a snow globe. I really was looking forward to going into September recharged, ready to implement a whole lot of what I've been learning and re-connecting with.

But employers don't want to hear that. They want to hear that you are a Competent Professional. Especially in a town like Geneseo, they want to see you as a grounded, well-rounded member of society. A few years ago, I would have had a lot to put on there, but for the moment I got nothing.

I suppose I can rejoin NYLA (as my current income is nothing, it should be relatively cheap), which I probably should have done at the beginning of the year anyway. And I've been doing a lot of professional development - learning about the Common Core and new books - but there really isn't space for it.

Guess I just need a really really good cover letter. :)

Tossing expectations into the river

Zen Habits is a blog I've been reading pretty heavily for the past year now - it's a blog about simplification and focus in the modern age. One post I read (and now have printed and posted on my fridge) is called "Toss Your Expectations Into The Ocean", and you can find it here:

http://zenhabits.net/ah/

(I'll wait while you read it. Need to grab breakfast anyway, right...)

I originally read it a couple of weeks ago, and I like the idea of living without expectations. So I mentally imagined tossing them into the ocean, freeing myself from their tyranny and living free.

It didn't work. Still hunkered down and depressed.

So on Tuesday afternoon, I sat down and I wrote out my expectations of life - expectations that had failed, expectations about job, legacy, relationships, etc. I came up with five big ones that covered a lot of them.

There is a creek that runs behind my apartment, and I have a favorite spot at the park where I can sit basically in the middle of it. I brought the piece of paper and a cigar, and went down to the spot for a smoke and to toss it into the river.

I read them out loud, just to hear them. Then let the paper fall from my hands, and sat down to watch it drift away down the creek and bask in the cool waters.

This too, was an expectation of sorts. The list got caught in an eddy. About three feet from the rock I was sitting on. Just swirling around and around. I almost grabbed a stick to send it on its way...and then realized this was a part of the process. Relax. Release expectations. The list, if not drifting down, will at least sink. And it will still be gone. So I stopped looking around for a stick, put my feet in the water, and watched the list swirl.

After a moment, the list found its way out of the eddy and did drift downstream. I moved my feet slowly back and forth in the water, enjoying the peace of seeing the expectations drift downstream.

And then something bit my foot.

Standing up on the rock, breathing fast, I watched the list disappear in the blaze of the sun on the water. No expectations of peace, or well-being, or allowing to linger. Just being. And seeing where that goes.

Might have to toss expectations back in the river again when I feel them cropping back up. But it's not a bad exercise.